With this NEURON ISOLATION I did on myself, I was wanting to know WHY I am an underachiever and NEVER want to compete EVER. I have NEVER competed and rather, I disappear and DON'T show up whenever ANY competition situation would arise.
What bubbled up from my session was that ...
I grew up with a mother who hated everything about me, and made that clear, but adored everything about my brother, and made that clear. And it was just us 3. I had several stepfathers and one would often take one of us for a motorcycle ride on the weekends. He would always flip a coin and as it was in the air one of us would call the side. And each time, I had the opportunity to believe that THIS TIME MUST BE when I would win, but in fact, 100% of the time, my brother won. Now I understand it was manipulated, but as a child that was 100% un-raised, loved, or schooled on ANYTHING, I just took it in to know even more that I was a loser, worth nothing and should NOT count on ever winning anything in regard to competing with my brother (or others).
When I launched my business, I really discovered that any time ANYONE mentioned astrology, or an astrologer, I ghosted myself. I went quiet. I NEVER WANTED TO compete or take any position where another could be there -- BECAUSE what I was shown was that I ALWAYS lose, and NEVER got to see being a winner.
THE THING IS, in the healing journey, we try to take ownership for our JEALOUSY or ways we get sick to our stomach when certain provocations arise. WHEN IN FACT, sometimes its Shamanic and its something done TO US that just gave us the wrong impression of reality -- so we lost parts of oursevlves that we need to come home to again. I could NEVER get to HOW to stop feeling like a nobody if I wasn't the ONLY body in a position. I just thought I was bad at sharing!
Even with gifts, I had THE HARDEST TIME saying thank you because I was SO uncomfortable getting loved on. Like, why are you doing this for ME? NOW I LOVE GETTING LOVED ON!!!!! Gifts make me so happy now as I rip off the wrapping paper to get into what this is!!! BEFORE... it could take weeks, months or YEARS for me to even OPEN gifts sent my way.
SO to keep from having even MORE AFFIRMATION that I am a loser, I didn't compete. I didnt show up.
With my NEURON ISOLATION, I discovered that this WILD NEURON was firing behind my Golden C, shutting that down and traveling down to my Third Eye and into my Solar Plexus. ALL being shut down over ANY provocation of "competition" or comparison.
AFTER fencing in this neuron and dissolving the pathway it created, EVERY TIME COMPETITION COMES MY WAY, I LEAN INTO it and AFFIRM how badass and gifted I AM. EVERY TIME, I now WANT to compete, WANT to show up in full power, WANT to stand there firm and GET WHAT I DESERVE.
I spent my whole life not understanding why I couldn't put myself forward with any contest or situation where one person got the prize -- because ALL I SAW was that my brother got ALL the prizes and I got chapstick from the checkout aisle. Seriously, I would watch my brother open a box with a model car to build, offering him days of entertainment, while I got what meant NOTHING from the checkout isle. It was ALWAYS there in my face that I don't get what others get. I don't get love and I don't get gifted fun things.
AFTER ONE SESSION, I have NEVER backed down again. Now, I EXPECT to be loved, to be picked, to win EVERYTHING.
And if I don't win, I know it wasn't for me and I look for the thing that IS. NO WHERE do I crush myself or find fault. I KNOW I deserve the best and will be loved and seen by THE BEST THINGS!
Nothing in me expects what I saw in my past. That "waterway" no longer holds me prisoner to what imprinted me.