It took me a couple days to fully realize it, but yes I was losing my mind. Suddenly everything was so much, with so many details to it and my brain was going foggy from the overwhelm of it all. So all these things that I before handled like a pro, were kicking my behind and showing me who’s boss, which now I know is not me, not really.
But a week before losing it completely, I had just come to the realization that I GET IT about what this world is all about. I had never felt like I GET IT before that moment. So it started with me feeling so connected and so in tune and knowing about what life is all about. It started with the most powerful joy in the heart at the realization and feelings of GETTING IT about this world of ours. And now I of course do not remember what I GOT but I do remember the feeling of it. It felt safe to the first degree. Because when we KNOW and when we feel COMPLETE, we feel safe, ya know. So knowing about the world, creates a VERY safe and okay sort of feeling, let me tell you.
But from there things started to change. After the greatest, of all great things to happen, happened, THEN everything in my world that I was used to doing/being/working/creating became overwhelming and thoroughly exhausting. All the details that I loved to do were becoming impossible to narrow down and see and deal with. It was all becoming a muddled mess and I couldn’t bring order. That is not me and that was when after a week or so of the chaos, I finally realized I was actually losing my mind.
So then I spent a few days wondering what was wrong with me. I pointed the finger within and I kept questioning myself and doubting my abilities and was trying to figure out what this meant and why I was losing it. I was even getting really snappy and annoyed with people. I was feeling triggered when otherwise I would have been able to just let it go and see through it, as I am getting good at that and knowing when to just pull back and drop it. But feeling so high strung and tightly bound, everything had me feeling ultra sensitive and ready to attack and also ready to run and hide out away from the world and all its woundedness.
Now, I know that many of you just resonated with that in some form as it is all the result of those of us who have been giving too much and are now feeling depleted in some way. This is the energy of needing balance, so we are all getting huge warnings about where we give too much to others and where we are not paying enough attention to our own needs. And the thing is that this energy right now is pushing us to the limits so that we feel the pressure with what is out of balance in our lives.
So we are not just getting some little ole whisper in the ear of, hey maybe you should start taking better care of yourself and make some changes in your life. Oh no, it is nothing gentle like that, and instead it is like a pressure cooker where we feel like we could lose it and blow our stack and we are freaked out and we don’t know what to do, don’t know what is wrong, don’t know how to feel better, don’t know where our stability and safety lies in this ever changing mad mad world.
But please do find solace in that it is from the pressure that we are to create a new vision. The pressure is actually the blessing as otherwise we would just continue on our way, limping if we must, but onward and forward we are conditioned to go…. UNTIL something stops us. And every one of us is feeling the STOP and non-movement in some area of our lives….. that is, IF we are out of balance in any ways.
And the thing is, after I wrote that, I remembered that we HAVE had that message coming through for many months, but just like human behavior, we will temporarily give it our all and do what we need to do to make changes, but then we tend to slip back into our old patterns and forget that there is actually a better way to handle our lives so that we can ride the balance point and not tip into unhealthy habits that we do tend to be able to manage doing for a while. These bodies of ours are pretty sturdy and amazing and even if we are doing something that is not for our best, they do tend to tick along and allow us to continue these not so healthy habits for quite some time. It seems they tend to adapt and limp along with us making it feel like it is okay if we operate with these out of balance habits. Our body supports us until it too reaches the stop point and then we are like a car out of gas in the middle of a desert. Done, and with no immediate solution to our problem.
And because many of us attempted to make these needed changes in our lives, for a bit, but we didn’t fully integrate them and follow the words of wisdom that were coming to us, because we didn’t really complete the process, we are NOW stopped at the gate and will not be allowed movement until we regroup and fully implement the needed changes that are essential in order for us to move fully into the new space of 2014 with all the abundance and wonder it has to offer us.
And what is really magical about this stopped, dizzy, wanting to escape our just keeping it together responsibilities, losing our minds energy is that for so many of us it relates to just needing an upgrade! For many of us it is that we need to go up a level as we have outgrown the lower one and we just need to be willing to let this old go so that the new can take form. For many it is just that we need to expand and to let some things go in order to make room for new levels of expression and manifestations of higher vibrations.
For many of us it is just that we need to give more attention to ourselves and our own self care. For many we are realizing that we have grown addicted to the give mentality, which is where we should be right? That is what the age of aquarius is all about, right? We are to shift from ME consciousness and move into WE consciousness, right? How confusing, right? Well, this one gets a right and wrong as what we have not given enough importance to is that we are only fully capable of giving in our most powerful ways when we have first filled ourselves up and first taken care of our own needs. And no this is nothing selfish based as that is something we have grown used to thinking. The old way said do for others, take care of others, be there for others, be of service to others, but the new important detail that the new world ushers into us is, AFTER you have done all those things for yourself first, or at least that you do as much for others as you do for yourself, in equal balance.
We all as a nation of humans have been so out of balance for so very long, as these sturdy bodies of ours have kept on ticking and have confused us into thinking its okay to work this hard, or give this much, or be this everything for everybody. Capricorn is where many of our lessons are showing up in our lives and that one is so about working working working and saving the play for another day. What is that…. I’ll sleep when I’m dead? That is very Capricorn.
Well, we are being stopped for a reason on these paths that we thought were healthy and true and uniquely our own to travel. Where we are being stopped is where we are being asked to either consider an upgrade, to apply the balance of its opposite, or to just take better care of ourselves and our bodies. It is similar to that thing of like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and not wanting to deal with the fear of what it is doing to our bodies and then when we get word that we have lung or throat cancer, how we so look back and wish we had listened to the warning signs before and stopped before the damage was done. When we are faced with the outcome of our unhealthy habits, we wish to high heaven that we just would have changed this earlier in our lives. Yet in the moment, we say, I know this pattern isn’t the best for me, but maybe I’ll change that another day.
But now we all are being stopped from continuing on with these things that are actually harming us and we can fight it and try to push through this energy and tape things all together and hope for the best. Or, we accept the stop and pause for a moment as we humble ourselves down so we can SEE what in our lives, or in our thought patterns, or in our habits that needs to be brought into right action, brought into balance with all that is. This is a time that requires us to be very courageous and also very open to the deeper meanings of things.
I am so grateful that I lost my mind, because it showed me how much I was overworking it and how much MORE I could do in my life if I actually stopped using it so much! In a recent Shamanic Journeying Session I asked what I needed to let go of in order to fully realize my dreams of this year. I was told that I needed to start saying NO and to put up more boundaries. I was told I was only to work every other day so that the other days I could play more which will mean I will be able to create more and write more. And I heard that. But I still did not make any changes UNTIL I was fully tapped and out of gas and unable to process one more single detail.
I got the warning sign, but I still pushed on and said, later, I will deal with this later, I will change this another day. And this is where we all need to be very courageous and to just make that other day TODAY.
Symptoms of the current energies:
Feeling depleted and unable to handle ONE MORE THING.
Feeling needy, like needing love, needing confirmation, needing approval. Which so you know about this one, when we feel needy, and when we send that energy out to others, it tends to make them pull back, unbeknownst to them why they are even wanting to pull back, but needy energy gets EVEN MORE of what we feel we are lacking. Feeling needy makes your need feel even larger.
Feeling overwhelmed and swimmy in the head when you think about all that needs to be done.
Feeling doubt over your ability to sustain what you already do have.
Feeling burdened by the the material aspects of life….working to pay the bills, working to keep it going. Working, working, working, with not enough play time.
Feeling pulled back into your past as wounds are being activated that are showing you what is no longer serving you. Feeling all these things come up that you thought you had already dealt with.
Feeling irritable with other human beings.
Feeling anxious, depressed or having panic attacks.
Solutions for the current energies:
Self care is NUMBER ONE with this one. This is the top reason why all the symptoms above came into your life. We have been conditioned to do for others first and that actually does not work in the new world ways. It is only after we take care of ourselves, that we can take care of others. It is only after we heal our own wounds, that we can go out into the world as healers. It is only after we work on ourselves, that we are then fully capable of going out to work on others. We have forgotten that and we feel it is our obligation to be of assistance and that is SO TRUE, but only after we have first filled ourselves up. If we go too much out into the world to be of service, without also taking care of ourselves, we end up burnt out, depleted and wanting to either fight or give up. This is like being a parent who hasn’t had enough sleep. It makes us irritable and unable to keep it together. MAKE THE TIME to do things that are just for you and revolve around nurturing and care.
GET WITH OLD FRIENDS!!! This is key. It is in connecting with those long standing friendships from way back when that can really amp us up and realign us quickly. Those people who knew us from before can really be the anchoring points to grounding us back into reality because this energy now has us out of touch and not feeling so confident.
Get off the internet daily! This is another key. I don’t want to get too much into this one but it is a breeding ground for not feeling good enough, to feeling competitive, to feeling like you need to push forward and make things happen, to feeling depressed, to feeling like everyone else is succeeding and you are being held back. I would imagine that ALL of us need to bring things into balance with how much we are staring at the computer screen or checking facebook and all that. I think we would be embarrassed if our facebook page showed how many times we clicked on the news feed daily!
Play with animals and kids more! Play play play is going to be an essential for all of us. We just need to lighten up and not be so dang serious about all of this that is fleeting and not really important in the grande scheme of things anyway. Stop for a moment. Look back at that unsolvable thing from 5 years ago, 2 year ago, 6 months ago….. does it not hardly faze you now? Yes it does not. And this moment now will be the same.
Be still as much as possible but with the intention that solutions are coming to you. Ask for clarity into this halt in your life. Ask for guidance into why the gate is closed and what you need to do to bring things back into a healthy balance in your life. You WILL hear what you need to do and now the challenge is just that you DO IT.
Be open to what needs to leave you, what needs to be upgraded, and look deeply into where you have been giving too much of yourself without restocking or refueling. The balancing act is a message for all of us, so we will all find places in our lives where we are doing or being too much and we will all see ares where we are ignoring or giving too little. Are you exercising enough? Are you having enough romance in your life? Are you balancing work and play? Are you physically sharing time with friends enough? Are you spending enough time in visualizing your dreams? Are you smiling enough and laughing enough?
Keep your judgments/sensitivities/envy/issues/triggers to yourself, as the energy now is like a total metal detector and everyone is aware of what everyone else is thinking. If someone is coming to your mind, they are thinking about you too. So send them love and see them in a most beautiful outcome in their lives. And please please please do not harm others with your thoughts as they will be coming back to you 100 fold. Things are different out there right now and the karma payback energy is quicker than a boomerang. If you are in a deep suffering sort of state with nothing at all working out then you may need to look at what you are feeling about others who have what you may desire to have in your life too. I have these 4 people I can feel who do not like me at all yet I can feel that they keep that fire alive by immersing themselves in what I am doing. And every time I feel their lashing, I do not feel anger at them, I instead am trying to send them love because those kind of moves come back to harm us now. I more just want to tell them to ignore me and release me. If we don’t like someone or something, we must just move away from the trigger until it does not trigger us any longer. If we keep going to it we are fueling our own karmic paybacks and we will stay in a very stuck and unmovable miserable place as what we are thinking and feeling is coming back to manifest in our lives. This one is so important! We must inquire deeper as to why we are triggered by others/or other things and we must do everything to release that trigger energy whether by staying away from the trigger or by making peace with it. This can be similar to a partner who breaks up with you and how it is best to just pull away and not keep going back to their page or whatever.
Be gentle with yourself, but also gentle with others. Many are fighting a very big battle within and if you match their battle or match the hurt energy that may be coming your way then YOU stay in that energy and will be in this viscous sort of cycle that will only shift if you can move into the love and acceptance with no judgmental feelings of others. We all need more compassion and more understanding with each other. We all are hurting in some way and we all need support in some way. If we just can learn to forgive and to keep our hearts open, our lives will unfold more effortlessly in this magical year of 2014.
Also understand that you REALLY are where you should be in this very moment, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And this pressure is just forcing you to change and evolve, but accept that and roll with that and jump onto the new paradigm and try this new ride out for a spin. It is very much about getting a new car, even though you loved that old car and you are so used to that old car, but why not jump into an electric hybrid and save some money, save some gas, save the environment and see how this ends up working for you. You may have to learn something new with this upgraded vehicle of yours but soon you will prefer it and you will see how it IS going to add to your life experience. Don’t negatively judge that which is forcing its way into your life currently, as soon you will be singing its praises and all that falls away will become a distant memory.